Fashion

Better off dead: Ten ’80s trends that should have never come back

By kenya.hunt, on June 5, 2009

I love an American Apparel v-neck t-shirt. I practically live in them, often using the heather gray versions as a key building block of an outfit. But when I read the news that my favorite Tee and leggings brand was bringing back the Scrunchie I got really annoyed. For years American Apparel has gradually morphed from its original role as a reliable go-to for cool staples to its new incarnation as the revivalist of all things ’80s. It started out kind of cute and fun with a printed legging here, a gold hip hop style dookie rope there. And then all hell broke loose (see the foil print nylon spandex micro-mesh long sleeve mini dress — yes, that was a mouthful.) Suddenly, the parts of the American Apparel franchise that I love best were lost in racks of fluorescent color hot pants and tie dye rompers, literally. A store manager even had a hard time locating my favorite style of v-necks during my last trip to an AA shop; we eventually found them on the basement level, in a corner. It’s enough to make me wonder is American Apparel drinking too much of the ’80s Kool-Aid? Here’s your answer. When my co-workers and I began debating the return of the scrunchie, we drafted a list of ten ’80s trends that should remain in the proverbial fashion coffin. American Apparel has resuscitated all but three of them.

1) Scrunchies
They make your ponytail stand out in a very specific ten-year-old “I’ve been playing in the park all day” kind of way. And that’s just not sexy.

2) Jelly shoes
Considering that these are summer shoes, they sure don’t hold up well in hot weather. They get sticky, in fact. And dirty.

3) Two-tone leggings
You know it’s bad when even an American Apparel house model can’t make it look good.

4) Neon
Technically the jury has reached an impasse on this one. I personally like Pierre Hardy’s fluorescent heels, Stephen Sprouse’s Day-Glo bright patterns and my boyfriend’s trademark neon orange hat–but in limited doses.

5) Leotards

Beyoncé and Lady Gaga have tried to bring it back. But unless you’re an actual dancer working it out in performance or rehearsal, it’s pretty impossible to pull this off without looking like you have a pimp named Lester waiting for you in the car outside.

6) Leg warmers
Like leotards, this item is best left in the dance studio.

7) Headbands
We’re not talking about the ones that go over your head, but rather the ones that are worn across your forehead, Peaches Geldof style. Um, no.

Rat’s tails
The name speaks for itself.